Ben Garrison: Hello, Andrew. Thanks for agreeing to an interview.
Andrew Anglin: Just so you know, I don’t usually grant interviews to people I don’t like, but since you produced a lot of laughs on my site, l'll grant you the privilege. I know you have an axe to grind, but there’s no such thing as bad publicity. So bring it!
Ben Garrison: OK, let’s get started. I don’t have an axe, either. I use a maul.
Ben Garrison: You’ve attacked me quite a few times on your popular site, “The Daily Stormer," but you labeled the offensive material as ‘satire.' Do you know that your troll material shows up on Google searches? Do you even care that has ruined my reputation and my ability to make a living? Do you think it’s acceptable to accuse me of masterminding murders and terrorizing my family?
Andrew Anglin: What a crybaby you are. It was my intention to have that shit show up in order to ruin you. I’m glad I succeeded. You should have considered the consequences before you made yourself into an lol-cow. You must take all the blame for being a dumb ass Libertarian who listened to the Jew-controlled Alex Jones. You brought it all on yourself. Don’t blame me; blame yourself. Besides, you can’t sue me because you’re a public figure and therefore subject to my ridicule.
Ben Garrison: Who gets to decide whether or not I’m a public figure? It’s certainly not you. You can probably consider yourself a public figure since you have a Wikipedia page. I don’t have such a page. Famous personalities, sports figures and politicians are public figures. Very few out there in the general public know who I am.
Andrew Anglin: I know, that’s what makes it so fucking hilarious. It was easy to trick people into thinking you really are a Nazi. Well, at least you have an ‘Encyclopedia Dramatica’ entry, ha ha! It took you a long time to figure out that you are who WE say you are and you deserve all the ridicule hurled at you because you complained about it. Did you really think one man could defeat my entire troll army? All you could do is call us ‘chuckleheads.’ God, you’re dumb. Don’t feed the trolls! What part of that didn’t you understand? Besides, you brought it all on yourself for saying ‘hate speech is not free speech.’
Ben Garrison: You got me there. I sure did screw up with that statement. I was angry when I wrote that. What I meant to say was hate speech is not free on Facebook and other social media. I should have clarified that. There are community standards on Facebook and your schtick wouldn’t last there because you don’t own it and they get to decide standards. Hate speech is definitely free for you; that’s obvious. Nobody can stop you because it’s legal in America. Even so, what you did to me was libel and you had the chutzpah to brazenly ruin my reputation. That’s free for you too because I can’t get it removed from your site without spending a fortune. Your precious hate speech shall not be infringed on the site your dad bought for you. His involvement is a matter of public record so I assume he endorses what you are doing. Perhaps your mom does, too…which explains why a reporter wanted to interview her. Is she a white supremacist as well? How about your brother and sister? They look like normal people on their Facebook pages. By the way, did you see the cartoon I drew about you and your precious hate speech?
Andrew Anglin: Hey, it’s not cool to bring my family into this. Yeah, thanks for drawing me in shorts with socks and sandals and a big, flat nose. Asshole. My nose is flat because I’ve been in too many fist fights. And stop using kike words such as ‘schtick’ and ‘chutzpah.’ They are an offense to my Aryan ears!
Ben Garrison: You and your troll army had no problem dragging my family into it, now did you? But let's move on. Another thing a lot of people are interested in was your trip to the Philippines. You made a video featuring a young, giggling girl with you. Apparently you are now obsessed with hunting down this video to get it removed from the Internet. How can you claim you have nothing to hide while hiding something? In other words, when hate speech goes against you, you try to shut it down. Apparently you endorse free speech only when it benefits you. Were you trying to remove that video because you referred to the giggling Filipino gal in it as your ‘jail bait’ girlfriend? What does that say about your character?
Andrew Anglin: Listen, Bro. Everyone knows I was joking!
Ben Garrison: I’m not your ‘bro.’ I’m old enough to be your father. I realize you’re not the type who shows respect to your elders, but please go ahead and tell me more about why you went to the Philippines.
Andrew Anglin: I went on a long vacation there. My dad bankrolled it. He thought it would be a good experience for me. He also has a penchant for the young ladies, so he understood. I like young Filipino girls because they are shorter than me and they don’t care if I boss them around or if I tell them to shut up. American girls are too problematic.
Ben Garrison: In other words, you can’t find a girlfriend in America. You are only 5’ 2” tall, so I know that has to be a problem for you. I noticed you used a big word there, too. It’s nice to hear you employ words other than profanity, even though I think ‘problematic’ is overused these days. It’s good that you’re brushing up on your vocabulary. After all, I heard that you considered yourself a ‘journalist.’ Have you had any training or education in that field?
Andrew Anglin: No. I majored in drugs, alcohol and fist fights. But I’m a great writer and if I wanted to, I could get a job writing for the Jew York Times!
Ben Garrison: Uh huh. Yeah, I heard the New York Times is looking for a reporter with Turret’s Syndrome. Anyway Andrew, why do you hate Jews so much? Have you ever known any in person?
Andrew Anglin: No, I’ve never known any in person, but I’ve heard they’re greedy people who want to run the world and destroy the white man. They blame the white man for everything and make ridiculous claims of victimhood. They say sixty trillion Jews were made into lampshades by evil white people. But they don’t have to worry about me. I have no intention of turning Christ-killing Jews into soap. I’m non-violent, but if I could figure out a way to send them all back to Europe, I would. Maybe we can vote them off the island. I’ve never met a white person who has EVER had something good to say about Jews. Anyone who has ever been around them regularly despises them.
Ben Garrison: Just remember that American Jews have the same Constitutional rights that you do. If you try use violence to kick them out of their own country, you should know that many Jews also are big believers in the 2nd Amendment. As for your hatred of Jews, it seems to me that it’s mostly based on hearsay, and you only want to hear anti-Semitism. I think you’ve been brainwashed by hate. I worked at newspapers for about 20 years. Many friends and coworkers I worked with happened to be Jewish. They were all good people and I never detected that they were trying to take over the world. Also, I’m a white man and I liked them, so that proves you wrong.
Andrew Anglin: Well, you’re a shabbos goy! They have you fooled! GAS THE KIKES! RACE WAR NOW!!!
Ben Garrison: Calm down, young man. It’s that kind of, uh, ‘journalism’ on your site that motivated Dylann Roof to murder innocent people. He perused your site and even posted messages of hate there, remember?
Andrew Anglin: Shut up! I have a disclaimer on my site! However you feel about me and my views, you have no right to claim that I'm responsible for a mass murder, nor does anyone have a right to try and intimidate or bring harm upon my family. The damn Jews are pulling out all of the most wicked and low-down tactics imaginable!
Ben Garrison: Yet you delight in intimidating and bringing harm to others when you harass them with your Daily Stormer ‘troll army.’ Making up lies about others and flooding the Internet with them isn’t 'low-down?'
Andrew Anglin: You’re just an old faggot crybaby who can’t take the heat. It’s not my fault, it’s YOUR fault. You asked for it and it serves you right. You didn’t understand how the interwebs worked and you paid the price.
Ben Garrison: Yeah, and I’m continuing to pay that price all right, but you must know that your troll attacks bring harm to people such as me—people who aren’t public figures who simply want to exercise their free speech to express their views. Now you’ve made it difficult for me to make a living by Photoshopping me into a Nazi uniform and making sure my name is in the file title. That image is among the first things to show up on Google searches. I was almost kicked out of my art gallery because the owner believed what she saw there. Isn’t it wicked on your part to ruin someone’s reputation and ability to make a living simply because you don’t like his politics?
Andrew Anglin: Good! I’m glad you’re ruined. I enjoy breaking rice bowls. You are a fucking mass murderer and I want everyone to know your true self—Zyklon Ben! We tell you who you are and you should just give up and become what we want you to be! It’s my free speech to ruin your reputation and you can’t sue me. Falwell vs. Larry Flynt sent the precedent. For a libertarian you sure don’t seem to like free speech!
Ben Garrison: I respect free speech, but we libertarians also respect property. You have vandalized my cartoons and then posted them on your site, claiming they are the ‘originals’ with my name left on them. My lawyer said I have a case, but it would be very expensive and most likely you’re broke so there would be no incentive for him. I couldn’t raise enough money to sue you, so you can rest easy. Let’s get back to the interview: I assume the ‘we’ is your ‘troll army’ that you muster in order to attack your targets du jour, and then attempt to destroy those targets through bullying, doxing and character assassination. And yet I noticed something: When you are trolled, you spew crocodile tears. Recently, a TV reporter wanted to ask your mom a few questions—which is legit since you are a public figure. He just wanted to find out what made you into a troll and how to contact you since you are apparently in hiding. I see on your site that you danced quite a tantrum about a reporter just trying to do his job.
Andrew Anglin: What NBC’s Duane Pohlman did was a gross violation of basic human morals! No one deserves to have their mother abused like this, and that by allowing this to go unaddressed, we are putting the basic concept of freedom in jeopardy! Pohlman is a filthy jew trying to terrorize my mom and we will do our best to see that he’s fired!
Ben Garrison: How did he ’terrorize’ your mom? He never even spoke with her. Your dad also remains closed--lipped about what you are doing. He claims he doesn’t even know what National Socialism is, even though he funded your site and receives donations at his ‘Christian Counseling’ office. People are curious about what ‘made’ you this way. Most Americans consider Nazis to be nut jobs, including me. Are you really serious about what you are doing or is it a big, elaborate joke? You must be aware of your own hypocrisy and that’s why I’ve concluded that you are not a real white supremacist at all. You are really just a troll who enjoys clowning around. In fact, even other white supremacists are ashamed of your antics and theatrics. I hate this word, but they think you are ‘cucking’ them. It makes them look bad. Can you admit you are doing this merely for the kicks trolling provides you? You have figured out a way to make a living from trolling and being a Nazi enables you to utilize all the scary drama that it entails. Yet some would say you can dish it out, but you can’t take it. I think you can take it. You simply enjoy playing the victim when attacked. You love the drama. It inflates your already capacious ego. You love making waves and noise and drawing attention to yourself. You must get a big laugh out of fooling people in this manner. I think trolling is your life’s real passion. You do it to bring more attention to yourself, which means more eyeballs to your site and perhaps more dollars into your wallet. Will you admit I’m right?
Andrew Anglin: I’ve always been a troll at heart and I’ve admitted it. I’m also a proud Nazi! What are you? You’re just an lol cow—a fucking faggot!
Ben Garrison: You seem to like that word. Is it true that your uncle owned the lone gay bar in your hometown, and after he died your dad took it over?
Andrew Anglin: No comment.
Ben Garrison: But you do see the irony here, don’t you? Your dad helps fund your activities. You routinely attack gay people on your site while indirectly receiving money from gay people.
Andrew Anglin: Can’t you understand? It’s a war and I’ll do anything to advance the cause. If I have to bend logic here and there, I’ll do it to destroy the Jews and support the white man! I got into Hitler and realized that through his type of nationalist system, alienation felt by my fellow young people could be replaced with community in a real sense, while the authoritarianism would allow for technology to develop in a direction that was beneficial rather than destructive to the people.
Ben Garrison: The Jewish people would not find your system beneficial. Nor blacks. Nor hispanics. Nor gays. Then where would that lead…only blue eyed and blond people would be allowed into your club? Now that you mention it, are you even white yourself? After all, you have a broad nose and quasi-mongoloid features. Some say you look like an albino black man. You admitted that you are attracted to black women and young filipino girls. Isn’t that odd behavior for a white supremacist? Also, you’re not a very tall physical specimen, and yet you want to be known as a great leader of white men. Do you see any contradiction here, and does any of this bother you?
Andrew Anglin: What are you implying? You tall guys are always referring to us as manlets. What you just said is a low blow and a personal attack! I can’t help how tall I am and my parents are white. I already provided amble evidence of my whiteness. You are repeating a stupid Jew hoax that I’m not white. As for me praising other races, I was drunk when I made those statements. End of story.
Ben Garrison: Do you like any of the current presidential candidates?
Andrew Anglin: Trump wants to send the beaners back to Mexico and I like that, but he supports those goddamn kikes in Israel. Everyone else is a joke. What we really need is a strong white leader like Putin. Russia may be the only white nation left considering they’re the only country not allowing millions of shitskins in to take over. I may end up moving to Russia.
Ben Garrison: Yeah, I heard you liked Putin--but don’t you like Hitler better? You may remember that millions of Russians died fighting Nazis, so they may not exactly throw out the welcome mat for you.
Andrew Anglin: Putin is a real man! He is making the Jews leave and he wants to restore the Romanov monarchy. How great is that?
Ben Garrison: Maybe Putin will bring back hemophilia, too. Maybe he should add ‘Ras’ as a prefix to his name. Can you tell me any inside info about your operations? Are you a honeypot for the FBI? Why have you had so many problems with your servers and your site going down?
Andrew Anglin: Yeah, all comments posted on my site go directly to the FBI and NSA. Some day they will really give the masses who post on my site a real education--inside concentration camps. There. Does that satisfy all you conspiratards? My site keeps going down because it’s expensive and I can't afford to hire IT persons. I see the outages as a way to keep asking for more money, too. When the DS is not up, people miss it! Hate is like a drug and I have many addicted to it. As for inside info, I will tell you I’m no longer living in Worthington, Ohio. I only go there to pick up money from my dad. I’m now hiding out at a top-secret location because I’m getting famous and too many people want to beat seven shades of shit out of me.
Ben Garrison: OK, so now you’re like Hitler in his bunker. You must have a lot of people angry with you—because I’m one of them. You won’t have to worry about me showing up for a fist fight, though. I’m almost double your age, weight and height. OK, that really was a cheap shot, ha ha. Anyway, you’ve stated that you were once busted for drugs, but now you say you want drug users put in concentration camps?
Andrew Anglin: No, I said drug DEALERS. I make my living dispensing hate, not drugs. It was just a metaphor. Geez, you really don’t have a sense of humor. How in the hell did you ever become a cartoonist? I believe drug dealers should be executed. Pornography will be outlawed entirely, as it has been seen to be extremely destructive to male-female relations. Anyone caught producing pornography will be hung. I also hate fat people. If I was in charge, all of these fat lazy no-self-discipline bastards would be sent straight to the concentration camp to break rocks in the hot sun until they got themselves together.
Ben Garrison: Did you just say those who like pornography will be well hung? Would you also punish only fat white people or fat black people or fat gay people or fat Jewish people or keep them all separate or...oh never mind. Well, I must say you certainly have your troll banter worked out. Congratulations, you’re a master troll.
Andrew Anglin: Yeah, I’m the champ! I’m the Floyd Mayweather of trolling. I’m undefeated. At the same time, I'm doing my best to stop the Jewish takeover of western society. Uh-oh, my server just went down again. I have to get back at it. This interview is over! Hail victory!!
Ben Garrison: Thank you.
The above interview contains satire. If you don't like it, Andrew...feel free to 'come at me.' This is still America and it's my Constitutionally-protected free speech. --Ben Garrison